Being a doormat means we in a relationship we are the one who gets stepped on. We are the one who is just there, without needs.
Arguing in a relationship, fighting in a relationship, or having conflict in a relationship are painful roadblocks to connection. Yet, as we learn to understand what drives our conflict, we can change how we relate and open new paths of growth between us.
Self care is an essential element of psychological health and impacts relationships. We’ll be looking at some ideas for self care using self awareness.
You can use this step by step guide to help you build your relationship.
I Am More Than My Wiring – I Have the Power to Be the Love I Wish to Receive “Will you cuddle me?” my husband asked. “No, I’m reading,” I say, a bit put out that he cannot see I am otherwise occupied. Jesus Christ, I sound like my mother, I think to myself. I […]
The dilemma of loving an aging spouse I am lucky enough to have found my soulmate. Yet he is aging as I watch. I have the dilemma of loving an aging spouse. He has Oculopharyngeal Muscular Dystrophy, and his muscles are weakening. His focus softening. He is no longer the doer I sometimes need. On […]
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
The real relationship happened last night. I had been struggling, feeling stuck, pushing myself in ways that were leaving me frustrated, angry, and sad. My husband was mad at me for this. He pulled away and let me struggle. Finally, I said, “Why aren’t you helping me? Why have you left me alone in this?” […]
The Journey to a Healthy Relationship After years of struggle and a slow spiral into death, at the age of 46, I gave up on my first marriage. From those ashes of grief, new life emerged. I wrote a relationship education program. Would it help me in my next true love relationship? Could I create […]
And how that causes relationship problems I was listening to a YouTube by Sadhguru the other day and he asked, “What are you doing with your one precious life?” It is a great question. Sometimes we get stuck in something, whether a job, a relationship or a mindset or attitude. We may have given up […]
In my family, love was hidden under other agendas. Learning how to truly love (both self and others) has been a life path for me.
I remember as a kid being upset and walking away from our home. Thoughts swirled around in my head. Never get married, never have kids. Never get married, never have kids. Over and over like a mantra. I don’t remember the incident, but ours was a violent household where fighting was frequent, and empathy rare. […]
Reaching Our Goals For A Relationship How does having a significant illness relate to being in a relationship that doesn’t work? How do we take that understanding and apply it to improve our relationships? How do we reach our goals for a relationship? In 2016, when I was struggling with Lyme disease, in desperation, I […]
Over the years of working both as a therapist and a couples’ therapist I have come to believe that something more is needed to help all of us with our relationships. Many of us just don’t have the skills we need. Therapy has limitations due to its cost, and many therapists, though effective with individuals, don’t have the specialized training needed to be effective when working with couples. The time constraints of people’s busy lives, and the stigma that therapy has for some also inhibit people seeking help.
Emotions are intense. They rock us. We have to deal with them. Someone says something the wrong way, or we are in a difficult situation and all of a sudden we might find ourselves in a fury, or in deep grief, or perhaps an awful sense of embarrassment and shame as if we are ‘bad’.
When we are in these feeling places we usually don’t have any perspective or not much.
Lets look at couple therapy, which is a pretty complex process. As a client in couples therapy, we must learn enough about ourselves (among other things) so that we can untangle a bunch of behavior that simply does not get us what we want: an accessible and responsive relationship. We supply the courage and tenacity on the road to mastery of this challenge, but we need more than motivation, creativity and desire for this purpose. We also need a map.
Think about your relationship or what you imagine your relationship will be like. What do you long for? What do you dream about? What are the feelings you are looking for? Connection? Love? Safety?