Wounds, Triggers (and Attachment Needs) The following short 90-second video is one of my favorites of those I’ve done recently – because it clearly outlines why we get upset and what we must understand to reduce conflict. It addresses one of the keys to fixing a relationship: understanding our attachment needs, how they relate to […]
WeConcile is not only the best relationship app, it is a tool for living. You can immediately change your focus, calm your swirling mind or your intense emotions. You can engage your thinking brain and gain new skills. You can learn and evaluate what needs to change and how to do it. Imagine a world of relational learning and tools at your fingertips. Imagine access to the science of love and information that the greatest minds in psychology have discovered and made available.
Getting upset is part of every relationship. It is important to learn how to get through these upset times, especially until we develop the skills that allow us to resolve our conflict quickly and easily.
When I was a teenager, I threw a hammer at my sister, narrowly missing her head. Now, all these years later, I cannot remember what we were fighting about. What I do know is that when I was younger, I had terrible wounds. These wounds, such as feelings of being ignored, pushed around, not heard, not cared about, etc., caused me to at times to erupt.
Loving kindness is incredibly important in our relationships. It means we have an active interest in others, we are friendly and open hearted. We have good will and want the best for our partner and others.
You met the one. Dating was exciting. Getting engaged filled you with hope. You planned and survived a wedding. You may have children, young or grown. Early in your relationship, you imagined a future filled with the bliss you felt when you first met. But something went wrong. You feel wounded, resentful, not fully trusting. […]
I am having problems in a relationship. I recently moved in with my partner, and our relationship was going well. We got into a fight, and then all of a sudden, it felt like it was over. I am confused. How does someone go from hot to cold so quickly? I feel angry and scared. I feel abandoned. And I can’t find a way to talk about my feelings with him. He is so defensive and just keeps explaining and rationalizing. He isn’t able to hear me. What is going on? What should I do?
How do we make love, not war? All couples are in each other’s care…whether they know it or not. Unfortunately, couples often struggle with this basic principle of creating a happy relationship. Why? What is going on? Andy and Dot Let’s take an example. Dot and Andy are moving in together. They are both successful […]
Sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time. I met Joe 10 years before my first marriage. We spent about 2 years together. I didn’t have the tools I needed at that time. I needed more experiences, more disappointments, and more lessons before I would be ready to commit to working through the […]
You are your partner are struggling. You don’t understand what is happening or why you keep getting stuck, having seemingly the same fight over and over. You love each other, but your relationship isn’t flowing. You want to learn how to improve communication skills so you can solve this problem. You can learn about attachment […]
We often don’t realize the power we have to improve our lives. Learning more about our attachment style gives us tools to enable us to understand more about how our minds work. Understanding attachment helps us understand how we relate and how we’ve learned to cope with relationship stress and, ultimately, how we are wired. An attachment style quiz or WeConcile’s relationship quality quiz can help us get started. (You’ll find links later in this article.)
Arguing in a relationship, fighting in a relationship, or having conflict in a relationship are painful roadblocks to connection. Yet, as we learn to understand what drives our conflict, we can change how we relate and open new paths of growth between us.
Relationship problems and depression in relationships contribute to suicidality. Our need to be loved and cared for is so great, that when we feel that our relationship is falling apart, or we feel abandoned, the stress we experience can push us towards desperation and sometimes depression and suicide. We don’t always feel we can live without our connection to our partner.
When a couple gets into a conflict, they generally get caught on the surface or problem level. Several things need to happen to resolve the conflict. You’ll learn about the necessary skills for resolving conflict in a relationship in this article.