courage helps us get unstuck

What Stops You From Your Courage?

Originally published in Live Your Life On Purpose June 22nd, 2019 https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/what-stops-you-from-your-courage-ebe689d583a4

I was listening to a YouTube by Sadhguru the other day and he asked, “What are you doing with your one precious life?”

It is a great question. Sometimes we get stuck in something, whether a job, a relationship or a mindset or attitude. We may have given up fighting the situation. Or we may hold onto a bad attitude. Or we may be pushing down our real feelings because we feel sad about thinking we are powerless or trapped and want to avoid those feelings.

If we truly value ourselves and our life, we have to tackle whatever we feel stuck in.

In order to do this, we must find our courage. With courage we can make the possibility of what we want a reality; we can begin a journey that will take us from where we are, to where we wish to be. Without courage, we will stay stuck.

What stops people from finding their courage?

· I don’t believe change is possible.

· I don’t believe I deserve what I want.

· I don’t believe I have the capacity to do what is needed.

· I am not supposed to rock the boat.

· I feel safer staying in what is familiar.

· Discomfort and vulnerability scare me, so I don’t persevere.

Despite my parent’s limitations, my father always told me to follow my heart and do what I loved. And life created circumstances that pushed me to look at myself. As I learned about how I would get myself stuck (I’ve been stuck many times) and began to look at and change those parts of myself, I slowly unhooked from beliefs that stopped me.

I still get curve balls thrown at me. I still fall into emotionality at times. But I know I am free to choose what I want my life to be. I know change is possible. I do not accept limitations. I am willing to sit in discomfort. I focus on making the journey itself engaging instead of grasping at an outcome.

Who are you? Where do you get stuck? What stops you from your courage?

Courage will help you get unstuck.

Telling The Truth: Creating Authentic Trusting Relationships

Telling The Truth: Creating Authentic Trusting Relationships

Relationships are about intimacy and connection. Telling the truth allows us more intimacy, connection and trust in our relationships.

Sometimes it is hard to tell the truth because:

* We don’t trust our perceptions.
* We are afraid of hurting the other person.
* We are afraid we will make them angry or they will abandon us.
* We don’t realize that relationships are about relating, and that true intimacy is not possible without honesty and trust.
* We have been taught to take care of others by not being ourselves.
* We assume that we are 100% responsible for the relationship.
* We see ourselves as powerless in the relationship.
* We are afraid of being transparent, real and seen.
* We are afraid of our power.

If we don’t tell the truth, the other person has no way of knowing who we are, what we are thinking or feeling, or how they are impacting us. We assume (perhaps unconsciously) that they do not have the ability to navigate through their own feelings in response to us. Although this may be true, by not telling the truth, we rob them of the opportunity to rise to the challenge of relating to who we are, of having a truly authentic relationship with us.

Learning to Tell the Truth

Learning to tell the truth is a big process. Often we have been taught since we were little to put other’s feelings ahead of our own. We have been taught that relating is being the same as the other, rather than allowing our differences. In order to alter this and honor ourselves, we need a new perspective. We need to know that as we take action and speak the truth in a way that empowers us, our lives will re-align. Our actions have impact and allow us to change, creating our lives. We are no longer held hostage by our fears of voicing ourselves, of being seen. As we become truthful, those we interact with get to choose whether or not they can also step up to the challenge. In either case our relationships will change. We will become closer to those, who whether they like it or not, support hearing our truth and honesty. These relationships will deepen and we will no longer feel as alone. We may lose relationships with those who do not want to hear how they affect us, who do not want to know who we are. When this happens, we may experience grief. Rather than being trapped in resentment, or fear, we have the opportunity to grieve and let go of our expectations, accepting the limitations of that person and relationship. A reorganization of our lives and relationships occurs.

How do you not tell the truth? Look at someone in your life who you don’t talk to directly about his or her impact on you. Imagine telling them something they do that is difficult for you. Notice what feelings come up: discomfort, fear, shame? Notice how you choose the feelings associated with not telling the truth: frustration, feeling trapped etc, rather than the feelings that emerge when you do tell the truth. Both sets of feelings are uncomfortable, but one will lead you to freedom and authentic, healthy relationships, and the other will keep you trapped and dis-empowered. It is your choice. What kind of relationships do you want to have? What kind of life do you want to live?

You can read more articles by Jennifer Lehr LMFT here:

http://www.jenniferlehrmft.com/blog/healing-tips/

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