We’ve all lost our shit. Yelled, screamed, slammed doors, or simply shut down, mute and immobile. Frozen in fear and uncertainty, or trapped in placating to keep the peace.
Getting upset is part of every relationship. It is important to learn how to get through these upset times, especially until we develop the skills that allow us to resolve our conflict quickly and easily.
When I was a teenager, I threw a hammer at my sister, narrowly missing her head. Now, all these years later, I cannot remember what we were fighting about. What I do know is that when I was younger, I had terrible wounds. These wounds, such as feelings of being ignored, pushed around, not heard, not cared about, etc., caused me to at times to erupt.
Loving kindness is incredibly important in our relationships. It means we have an active interest in others, we are friendly and open hearted. We have good will and want the best for our partner and others.
The last thing we want in a relationship or marriage is to feel abused. We want to know we are valued and important. We want love. Learn the why’s of abuse in a relationship and the fixes.
Arguing in a relationship, fighting in a relationship, or having conflict in a relationship are painful roadblocks to connection. Yet, as we learn to understand what drives our conflict, we can change how we relate and open new paths of growth between us.