A Shift in Perspective
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
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Creating Safety in Our Relationships: The Power of Vulnerability and Empathy
I remember years ago in graduate school; our class did an exercise on visualizing a safe place. Not everyone could. For some, a sense of safety simply did not exist. For others, they found their safety alone, often in nature. Others could find it in relation to someone specific, for example, a pet or grandparent. Given that […]
The Real Relationship: Working it Out – Learn to Love
The real relationship happened last night. I had been struggling, feeling stuck, pushing myself in ways that were leaving me frustrated, angry, and sad. My husband was mad at me for this. He pulled away and let me struggle. Finally, I said, “Why aren’t you helping me? Why have you left me alone in this?” […]
When the Journey is Abundance
The Journey to a Healthy Relationship After years of struggle and a slow spiral into death, at the age of 46, I gave up on my first marriage. From those ashes of grief, new life emerged. I wrote a relationship education program. Would it help me in my next true love relationship? Could I create […]
What Stops You From Your Courage?
And how that causes relationship problems I was listening to a YouTube by Sadhguru the other day and he asked, “What are you doing with your one precious life?” It is a great question. Sometimes we get stuck in something, whether a job, a relationship or a mindset or attitude. We may have given up […]
Untangling Love
In my family, love was hidden under other agendas. Learning how to truly love (both self and others) has been a life path for me.
I Didn’t Use To Be Good At Relationships
I remember as a kid being upset and walking away from our home. Thoughts swirled around in my head. Never get married, never have kids. Never get married, never have kids. Over and over like a mantra. I don’t remember the incident, but ours was a violent household where fighting was frequent, and empathy rare. […]
The Journey of Improving Our Relationships
Reaching Our Goals For A Relationship How does having a significant illness relate to being in a relationship that doesn’t work? How do we take that understanding and apply it to improve our relationships? How do we reach our goals for a relationship? In 2016, when I was struggling with Lyme disease, in desperation, I […]
I Feel Lonely in My Marriage. What Can I Do?
What should you do when you feel lonely in your relationship? Here are some steps to take.
Saying No to Someone You Love
For some of us, saying no is easy. And for others, it is something that needs to be developed.
Finding Our Rainbow: A Great Relationship
We can connect with the blessings of our lives and make our lives and relationships even more beautiful.
Embrace the Suck
Courage over comfort. That is the key. The primary vehicle for change in a relationship really is developing a better relationship with our own feelings and unpacking why we feel what we feel when we are having that feeling.
Thanks-Giving
Holidays can be a difficult time. Many of us have unresolved issues with our families. We may feel that we are not fully seen or understood. We may feel blamed or treated unfairly. Let’s look at this family situation. Julie has unresolved issues with her father, Bob and her mother, Grace. Julie has at times […]
Toughing It Out: How to Make a Relationship Better
We all have emotional survival strategies that do not work. A common one is ‘going it alone,’ ‘sucking it up,’ or ‘toughing it out.’ We put our heads down, close our eyes and push forward. But we don’t know how to make a relationship better.
Learn to Improve Communication for Marriage
Read a story about a couple as they communicate and see how they miscommunicate. This will help you with your own communication in your relationship.
Female Intensity – Male Logic
You are getting so intense – he said. No shit, I think to myself- every cell of my body is screaming. Well if you stop ABC then I will stop XYZ he says, trying to fix the issue we were caught in. What!!!! He missed the whole point – that I worry about him, that […]
Learning to Reconnect
It had started like a regular day weekend day. John and Patti were taking a walk. The sun was shining. Life was good. But then, John sheepishly told Patti that he would not be working on a project they had told Patti he was going to do, and that had been planned for that weekend.
Standing In Your Shoes: Advice for a Relationship
I was recently talking to Cathy, a friend of mine. She and her girlfriend Sammy were having a tough time in their relationship and had just gotten into a fight. She explained what had happened. They were decorating the house for the holidays together, but Sammy got upset and said it was all for her, her tree, her project. She lashed out at Cathy and left. From Cathy’s perspective, Sammy was having a temper tantrum. She didn’t understand why Sammy was getting so upset. Why couldn’t they have a nice evening together? What went wrong?
You Are Only As Sick As Your Secrets
I tend to reveal a lot about myself in my writing. Even though as a therapist, showing oneself is tricky, I made a conscious choice to do this because I knew that is how we remove stigma and heal shame. If I reveal an experience that someone else identifies with and has shame around, they […]
Accountability and Character
I remember years ago how my father and the four of us children would go walking up the hill into the woods to look for a Christmas tree. It was a somewhat magical time – one of those special times when we had fun with our father. The trees would be beautiful, brown branches, dark […]