Marital Problems Can Be Caused by Not Being Able To Say No
Sometimes, from deep inside us, it emerges, almost unexpected – NO. No, I will not do that. No, what you are doing is not okay. No, I will not participate. No, I will stop myself from behaving that way.
When we find our ‘No,’ claim it and own it without anger, we are well on the way to being able to take care of ourselves emotionally
I remember years ago being someone who could not say no. As I learned to be able to say no, I had to have a reason. No, I cannot go with you tonight because I have plans. No, I cannot help you because I am already booked.
But saying “No, I am not interested in doing that, but thanks for asking,” was not yet in my vocabulary. Consequently, I had relationship and marital problems until I gained that skill.
For some of us, saying no is easy. And for others, it is something that needs to be developed. Part of being in a functional relationship means that we can honor our own needs and wishes. If we cannot hold our own, we may end up feeling resentful, which can poison a relationship.
Perhaps the other person will get angry? Yes, that is possible, and that will undoubtedly have to be worked out. But ultimately, kindly saying no, is one of our rights and a necessary component of being able to work out a relationship. We are all different. We don’t always see things eye to eye. We have to be able to stand on our own two feet while also relating to another.
How are you with saying no? Can you say no without feeling angry or guilty? Can your partner (or family member or friend) hear your no?
What kind of support or relationship help do you need to be able to honor your own wishes? WeConcile Level 18 specifically focuses on boundaries.
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