Self-Help Archives

advice for a relationship depicted by a pair of sneakers and standing in your shoes

Standing In Your Shoes: Advice for a Relationship

December 16, 2012September 21, 2023Jennifer J. Lehr, LMFT

I was recently talking to Cathy, a friend of mine. She and her girlfriend Sammy were having a tough time in their relationship and had just gotten into a fight. She explained what had happened. They were decorating the house for the holidays together, but Sammy got upset and said it was all for her, her tree, her project. She lashed out at Cathy and left. From Cathy’s perspective, Sammy was having a temper tantrum. She didn’t understand why Sammy was getting so upset. Why couldn’t they have a nice evening together? What went wrong?

Person and dog at beach depicting emotional health

Emotional Health & Emotionally Abusive Relationships

November 5, 2010September 25, 2023Jennifer J. Lehr, LMFT

Emotions are intense. They rock us. We have to deal with them. Someone says something the wrong way, or we are in a difficult situation and all of a sudden we might find ourselves in a fury, or in deep grief, or perhaps an awful sense of embarrassment and shame as if we are ‘bad’.

When we are in these feeling places we usually don’t have any perspective or not much.

Poisonous flower depicting trauma on a relationship

Solving Problems in a Relationship

October 18, 2009September 21, 2023Jennifer J. Lehr, LMFT

“The more quickly either person goes from disappointment or hurt to anger, defensiveness, or emotional withdrawal and remains stuck there, the less that person is capable of having a relationship and the more the other person will have to walk on eggshells.” – Mark Goulston

Tools to reduce couples fighting depicted by a Couple holding hands

How To Stop Those Repetitive Fights

May 18, 2009January 29, 2023Jennifer J. Lehr, LMFT

George had been very upset about the actions of an ex friend. Susan could feel his pain and asked him if there was anything that she could do to make him feel better. George replied, “I could think of something”. Susan retorted, “I wasn’t talking about sex”. George responded, “So what’s new?”