What to do when marriage is lonely
If you feel lonely in your marriage, often it is because you and your partner are not connecting emotionally.
- Have you and your partner moved into a distant relationship to avoid fighting or is something else going on?
- What am I avoiding talking about?
- What am I avoiding asking for?
- Do I acknowledge my need for emotional connection or just try to make do with what is?
- Where has each of you put your attention and energy instead of towards each other?
- Does one of you have a problem with vulnerable emotions?
- Did something happen that caused you to pull away from your partner?
- Have you avoided asking for your needs to be met in the past, and been disappointed by your partner not knowing what you needed?
Once you explore what you think is occurring, then you can take an action:
- Set up a time to talk with your partner and bring up the hard stuff, your desire for more emotional connection, or events that have caused you or your partner to pull away from each other.
- Tell your partner that you are feeling lonely (unhappy, etc.)
- Be vulnerable, not accusing
Sometimes a partner will not be able to have this conversation or is not able to tolerate the emotions of sadness or grief. If this happens:
- Make an appointment with a therapist
- Take a relationship-building course or workshop
As you tackle your relational issues, instead of feeling as if your relationship or marriage is lonely, it can become connected and alive.
Remember, if there is abuse occurring, get professional help. Do not try to talk it out without the help of a therapist.
Another post that might interest you is Learning To Reconnect. https://blog.weconcile.com/2013/04/01/learning-to-reconnect/