Last updated on September 26th, 2023 at 11:48 am
Emotional Release is an important part of our lives. I can think of a couple where one member has decided that emotions are bad. He has stuffed his down deep into himself and, instead, blames his wife for her feelings. Her feelings are valid. She wants more closeness and connection. This leaves her no place to be and is essentially a death sentence for their marriage.
Yes, our minds are important. Controlling reactivity is important. Learning to communicate effectively is important. But our feelings enrich our lives. Imagine not feeling the heart-opening experience of loving a baby. Or the appreciation of a sunset. Or enjoying a walk in nature. These are not mental experiences. These are feeling experiences.
So, while we want to develop and integrate our cognitive brains with our emotional brains, we still want our feelings. We want them to rush through us, to let us know we are human, to help us enjoy and respond to our experiences.
It is easy to push our feelings away. It is easy to make them bad. Often, this is what happens when we are raised in such a way that our feelings are dismissed or never validated. We may have developed a dismissive, avoidant attachment style as a result of how our caregivers dealt with our feelings. We may push away connection instead of nurturing it.
I remember once talking with a client who was avoiding his feelings about the death of a friend. He kept saying, “He had a good life. It is okay.” Sure those statements might be true. The problem was he wasn’t acknowledging his own loss and grief. He wasn’t able to say, “I’m heartbroken. I am sad. I don’t know what to do with my feelings.” And consequently, nobody, including himself, could comfort him. That makes for a lonely existence.
So embrace your feelings. They are valuable.
Here is a short meditation if you are interested.
Guided Meditation (Audio) to accompany “Emotions and Emotional Release“.
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